You may be wondering what being a grandfather has to do with Feng Shui. My answer is: ‘Feng Shui is our reaction to the environment.’ Family is a piece of the puzzle.
Reflect on when you heard you were going to become a grandfather or fantasize about what it will be like. Did you think or will you think: “I’m not ready for this”? Or were you like (or will you be like) me…so excited? The honor of a new life in our family meant so many things, and I couldn’t help but daydream about the prospect of playing again and the freedoms I didn’t feel like I had as a parent. It is said that ‘once a man, twice a child;’ (rabbis) — which means we are born and die with limited mental abilities, but we live as adults once. While debatable, you get the concept.
Growing up, I didn’t want to hear my parents walk a mile in the snow to school. Certainly our children do not want to hear the same from us. In most cases, they cannot relate. Actually, my mother never went to school. She was in an Australian foster home, she never felt wanted (and before education and ‘school’ were compulsory). Dad left home at 16 to join the service because his father passed away and his mother couldn’t afford five children during the depression (one with a disability). As for grandparents, I only knew one. He came to live with us after a car accident, and on a good day he was tolerant of us.
Before my parents passed away, I asked each of them if we could pass pictures. Mom was an amateur photographer, so she was delighted to dig up the photos. This endeavor was one of the most memorable moments I had with them. Instead of asking what the images were… I asked them what they were going through at the moment, who their support group was, and what their joys and fears were. After all, we all have heavy boots to wear (something to learn, ways we suffer). My parents met during World War II and all of my uncles served. The reality is that life does not come with an instruction manual (be it a parent, sibling, spouse, or parent). The questions I asked my parents were open-ended and called for a broader explanation. Their responses provided real insight into their lives.
So this article is about children. We may wonder how our lives would be different “if.” We cannot go back (at least not yet) so it is our duty to move on. Learn from the past and don’t make the same mistakes. My first pregnancy was ectopic, so I never saw my son. My second child was my daughter (who eventually passed away). To cut a long story short, decades later, my granddaughter was born. The gems that I have learned and want to share with you are listed below in a short list. It’s not necessarily inclusive, and it’s a place to start. Remember, our youth is our future. Help create it!
Eight Feng Shui ways to be a grandfather:
1. When looking at a picture of your grandchild, ask what’s going on in their life (friends, bullies, teachers they like, teachers they don’t like (and why both), etc.) instead of asking about the picture per se.
2. Encourage them to be all they can be. The limitations will reveal themselves as your grandchild grows. Remember to include missing arts, like manners, and contributions, like homework.
3. Teach them that money is a tool, not the end of a means. That being said, also teach them how to manage money: balancing a checkbook, saving, and avoiding debt.
4. Set an example of acceptance. This could be an act of kindness every day for a stranger or a neighbor. Let them see that everyone deserves respect.
5. Actions speak louder than words.
has. When you help others, take your grandchild with you.
b. When you volunteer (soup kitchen, food bank, clothing drive, trash pickup, etc.), take them with you.
against When you vote, take them with you.
d. Let them know that their actions and words make a difference. Complaining is not productive; instead, the action reveals ways in which they work (or are discoveries themselves). Teach them that wounds can heal, but ugly words last forever: what we put out into the world comes back to us.
me. Consider a change of perspective (make another city or country available). A change of environment can be revealing.
6. Teach them that instant gratification is temporary.
has. Each person needs to learn their own truth and purpose. That means reading, processing, problem solving, and learning.
b. Technology (TV, Internet, iPods, etc.) concerns us, but what has really improved? Information can be controlled and manipulated. Take your grandchildren out into nature and explore the wonders that lie there. Look for other people to expand your horizons.
against Enroll your grandchildren in growing, cooking and buying healthy food.
d. Teach them what is good for Mother Earth (which means sustainable, renewable and in tune with the environment). It is rewarding to reuse, renew and recycle.
7. Persuade them to write their own legacy: Start with the end in mind. Each of us has an innate desire to make a difference. Ask your grandchild how he wants to be remembered and support him when the story changes.
8. Love them unconditionally. Let them know that no matter what, you are there for them.
There are wonderful books these days that offer more ideas, but I hope this has provided advice on how to ‘be’ with a grandchild. It’s easy to get caught up in doing and buying, but ‘being’ means sharing ourselves.
Have you ever heard, “I’ll be a better parent than you!”? A great response to that is, “Okay, you got it! We’re supposed to learn as we grow.” As you may have heard before, ‘We don’t inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we inherit it from our children’ (Crazy Horse). It reinforces the notion that we need to do things differently.
In conclusion, when people want to know what Feng Shui is, for me, ultimately, it is feeling safe in my environment. My husband and I pick up our granddaughter a couple times a month for an extended visit. We play, read, explore and talk. It is a sacred time and an absolute joy. Hope for the future depends on what we do today. It does not depend on a leader, a nation or a relationship. It depends on us!