One of the preliminary steps in developing a strong foundation for your relationship is getting to know your partner. This includes learning about their feelings related to the approval of friends outside of the relationship. You really need to know if they are accepting of the friendships you already have and how they will feel about your associations with others in the future. This information will be useful to know which friendships your partner may feel are crossing the line. Emotional issues are very common, and many platonic friendships seem to open the door to such issues.
To begin, let’s define what an emotional issue is. In such friendships, the couple invests emotional time and energy in the friendship. Not only that, but you also receive emotional support and companionship.
As the platonic friendship grows and emotional ties become stronger, the intimacy in the primary relationship is lost. In fact, most experts consider emotional affairs a form of cheating without sex. Studies have shown that emotional issues very often open the door to full-blown affairs.
Very often these friendships start out quite innocently. But as they evolve, there is an increasing exchange of intimate information. The emotional affair is kept a secret from the main couple. And whether it’s acknowledged or not, there’s almost always a sexual attraction.
As time goes by, the time with the ‘friend’ becomes more interesting and important than the time with the partner. The person involved in the emotional affair spends time thinking about the ‘friend’ when he or she is not present. There may be attempts to create opportunities to have contact with the ‘friend’.
The partner involved in the friendship can be completely blameless due to the absence of sex in the friendship. But as the friendship grows, the main relationship is likely to deteriorate. Since the partner has a support person within the friendship, he or she may feel that he or she no longer needs them with the primary partner.
Because the couple does not share information about the friendship, there are lies, deceit and betrayal. The primary partner is likely to view the emotional affair as damaging as a sexual affair; in some cases even more. It seems that some of us can accept our partner venturing out in a sexual variety, but when our partner looks elsewhere for emotional support and companionship, we feel extreme pain and hurt feelings.
Since the friendship is justified as just friendship, the partner involved may continue to rationalize that it is acceptable. Then eventually he or she may find that there is a greater bond with the ‘friend’ than with the primary partner. The problems that may arise can end a relationship.
By understanding your partner from the beginning of your relationship, you will know what is acceptable in outside friendships. She has a responsibility to share her sincerest feelings regarding these matters. This opens the space for a discussion that could prevent many problems in the future.
If you discover that you are involved in a friendship that can turn into an emotional affair, you can take a step back and examine what the real attraction is. In most cases, it will be a warning sign that he needs to work on his primary relationship and focus all his emotional energy there.