Never in my life did I become an honor student or even get the greedy Latin honor when I was in college. So every time I hear someone’s farewell speech, I can’t help but feel envious of their momentous success. Listening to them made me wish I could have their extraordinary wit, and made me wonder if I would split her brain and put it in mine, would I be like them? Like those who are good enough to fit in in this competitive world.
Why was I never an honor student? It all started during my elementary school days. At that time in my life, I had a hard time understanding our school textbook, even if someone was tutoring me. Therefore, I was usually losing focus on the lessons my teacher was talking about. While my classmates expressed their hunger to learn, I, I always imagined things and wished the classes would end so I could watch my favorite Cartoon Network shows. He knew that from that moment on, he was far too different from the bright children who would be, as their parents expected: a doctor, lawyer, politicians, and other more respected professions one day.
It continued when I was in high school. I never tried hard to study hard because I knew I couldn’t be as good as my classmates who wear .50m-grade glasses. My priority in high school was to pass it. I never wanted to be on top because no matter how much I studied, I even burned all my eyebrows studying the lessons late at night, I never had a chance to be a Validectorian. So why should I stress out right? Life in high school is supposedly spent on the fun things in life because it’s the time in your life that you really live young. I have to experience falling in love, hanging out late at night, moving around the plaza, skipping classes sometimes, and sleeping. With that in mind, I never forced myself to digest bits of information, especially in math. Those tangents and co-tangents, the 360-degree triangle, problem solving were never my friends, as a result I took tests in math subjects several times just to get a passing grade.
So, college camera. It was a very different life. At this stage, the accomplishments were tough. How I wish I had studied hard in high school so that I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by all the pressures that college life demands. I was humiliated by my bad grammar and my poor public speaking skills given the fact that I was a Communication student. My reasoning and thinking skills did not improve well unlike my classmates who spoke and wrote polished essays and speeches. I took trigonometry twice because I dropped it. I felt desperate when I was in college, the classic ‘what if?’ Popping into my head Like ‘what if I studied hard when I was in high school? skills were highly developed ‘; however, I couldn’t go back in time. I knew it was my fault, not my life in high school.
What moved me to change was seeing the disappointment registered in my parents’ eyes every time I showed them my grades. It’s a bit depressing, especially knowing that my older sister is constantly on the dean’s list, while I’m the only loser who luckily can get near-passing grades. My parents are working hard just to send me to college, while I, even if they didn’t express it, just wanted to see that I’m doing the best I can as a token of all their efforts. I did. I tried. So, as a result of my difficulties, I graduated from university on time without any awards and honors.
After college, I began to experience the true cruelty of life. I proved that all of my parents’ advice on life was true. That outside world is really a survival of the fittest, and the competition is really fierce. That me is definitely not good enough. I’m only good for nothing, a young-not-young-immature who doesn’t know what to do with his life, just to have fun. But not everything will be delivered on a silver platter, especially if you don’t have connections. So I started at the bottom and sweated. Being downstairs, I couldn’t stop thinking about past events in my life, I had so much fun that I neglected to prepare for my future. I made terrible mistakes, my young age should be a starting point to establish a spine. Good grades really do matter, especially today where they are all measured by numbers.
At the end of it all, I think it is not too late to change. I may not be the one who delivered the farewell speech or the good enough of the others, but I am trying to fight harder to also get an ace in this competitive world that is governed by its own rights and designations under the name of people.