Anytime we assume that all people function at the same level emotionally and behaviorally in the workplace, we are sure to be surprised. Surprised when we meet a co-worker who responds to what we thought was a simple comment with an emotional outburst that resembles that of an eight-year-old instead of a thirty-year-old.
Although emotionally immature employees can be a source of difficulty at any level, according to Sherry Buffington, Ph.D., the further up the organization they go, the bigger the problems. Should we be able to see an inappropriate emotional outburst coming? Are there warning signs about the level of emotional immaturity of various co-workers? Look out for the following signs:
1. Inability to commit to workplace rules and co-workers. Any group of people who spend time together must be able to compromise at times. Not everyone can get away with it at every moment of the day.2. Getting defensive and making excuses when faced with a reality at work. Part of the difficulty in dealing with self-defense and excuse-making is that it can easily divert us from the original problems.
3. Avoid responsibility for work and/or interactions with other co-workers. The ability to say, “I was wrong and you were right.” it is an important mark of maturity. It also helps us stay in the reality of situations instead of trying to create a false scenario to protect us from having to take responsibility for our work and actions.
4. Misuse of or response to authority, leading to resentment from others. It often results from a false sense of entitlement. “I’m the boss and I don’t have to respect you.”
5. A tendency to go back to fighting instead of communicating towards conflict resolution. The most common response when an emotionally immature worker feels they are being challenged at work is often, “Yes, but…” And when the problem raiser is verbally attacked without addressing the real problem.
6. The complacency towards the effort to achieve quality work, which is another way of saying that they are seen as lazy. But complacency is not the same as laziness. If the person is committed to the project, he can receive energy to complete it. Complacency is more a lack of concern for the outcome.
7. Try to make others responsible for their own emotions. It is always someone else’s fault that the emotionally immature worker has difficulties at work.
The good news is that anyone can mature emotionally at any age. The bad news is that the workplace is not the best place to help a person grow emotionally. Few managers want to “parent” emotionally adolescent workers. The problems that can arise within the workplace, especially in the area of interpersonal relationships, can be very disruptive. Figuring out how to grow emotionally immature workers can be challenging for managers and coworkers to come up with solutions.
A manager can implement ways to hold his staff accountable in the workplace. This must be done in a mature way. It doesn’t help when the manager is reacting to the same level of immaturity as the staff member. Meeting each incident of emotional immaturity with a calm and consistent response that requires the staff member to look at her own behavior and change to meet managers’ expectations is challenging.
Working with a partner where you don’t have authority can be more difficult. Your options are more limited as to how you influence your coworker to grow emotionally. Sometimes the only options you have are to be as emotionally mature as possible, while trying to stay out of the emotionally immature co-worker’s line of fire.