Every day, in newspapers, magazines, television, and online, we are urged to lose weight. The alarming statistics about our national overweight and obesity rates are regularly reviewed and dieticians, nutritionists, medical specialists and weight loss gurus tout the dangers of carrying too many pounds on their talk show tours.
They don’t have to keep trying to convince us that the ideal weight is healthier; we know. Nobody has to point out that life is more fun when our activities are not hampered by fifty pounds of excess fat; we know. The joy of accepting that we look attractive and slim doesn’t have to be hammered into our brains; we already know!
We know the problem. We try to fix it by starting one of the thousands of diets circulating in the media. We spend our money on supplements, pills, support meetings and online weight clubs. We know what we have to do and we are desperately trying to keep going.
None of us go on a diet with the intention of failing. The money and time we spend is part of a genuine effort to lose, not simply wasting surplus funds to ease our conscience. But why is the problem growing all the time when millions of us follow the advice we are given?
Losing weight is terribly difficult. Even harder is keeping it off. So we continue our journey through life, enthusiastically embracing each new program that comes along, believing the promises and testimonials we read, and eagerly waiting for the silver bullet we pray for to appear.
After years of recurring failure, we begin to feel hopeless. Our dreams are repeatedly pounded against the rocks of dozens of failed diet attempts. We begin to wonder if all the effort is worth it. Before we throw in the towel and give in to a lifetime of fat, let’s take a look at the weight loss process and see if it’s worth trying one more time.
“I want to lose forty-five pounds.” Such a statement is common at the beginning of a diet. We are willing to take whatever action is necessary to begin our search. We can try a particular program or pill or a general reduction in food intake. Whichever approach we take, we are focused on our need to lose forty-five pounds.
The first week we lose three to five pounds and we’re ecstatic, smiling at our scale like it’s an ancient genie oozing out of its magic bottle. The second and third week, the loss continues although at a slower rate. We are still happy and excited; everything is working as it should.
Sometime around the fourth to eighth week, we hit the first major bump. We’re sticking to our program religiously, resisting the urge to cheat even when we’re alone, and keeping our eyes firmly on that forty-five-pound goal. A week or two pass and the weight loss stops. We play with our program, we reduce our intake to a minimum, we force ourselves to exercise. Nothing works: the scale derisively reflects the same numbers we’ve been looking at for three weeks.
Weeks of deprivation, physical pain, and unfulfilled emotional longing seem worthless. A little voice begins to babble inside our heads: what good is physical and mental pain if it doesn’t get us where we want to go? Maybe it’s not the right time or the right diet. Maybe we are meant to be overweight and nothing we do is going to change that. Perhaps the quirks of our bodies will later change whatever diet we try.
We’re on the skids, ready to get off the straight and narrow path. Feeling desperately sorry for ourselves, we allow ourselves a small gift to ease the disappointment. One gift leads to another, and another, and another.
Suddenly, we’re right back where we started, with another two or three pounds to boot. Frustrated, angry, and overwhelmingly guilty, we look in the mirror and lament our apparent destiny: to spend the rest of our lives fat.
What happened? We started with high hopes and strong motivation. We played by the rules, but the rules didn’t work. We tried, terribly hard, but our bodies sabotaged our strongest efforts. We feel worse about ourselves than when we started. Is it worth another try?
Yes! It is always worth trying again if we really want to succeed. It is the sum of our efforts that counts if we want to reach our goal.
Remember that goal of losing forty-five pounds? We still want to do it but we need to modify our mental focus. Let’s put everything in a new perspective. Let’s reaffirm our goal as wanting to lose five pounds per month. That equates to sixty pounds a year, fifteen pounds more than our original goal!
Once our goal has been reframed, the pressure of “I have to keep losing” is removed and the burden is reduced to just five pounds a month, manageable by almost all of us. Depending on what kind of person you are, you can dive right in, jump into the diet of your choice, and lose five pounds in the first ten days. Then you just have to keep for three weeks until the first of the next month. If you’re a procrastinator like I usually am, don’t worry about anything until the 20th of the month. Then take strict steps to make sure you achieve that five-pound loss before a new month begins.
What usually happens is that you get impatient with this loss rate. You decide to go ahead and lose more. If that happens, all the better, but limit the mental pressure to that magical five pounds a month. If you end up losing six or eight pounds during the month, don’t worry if the needle on the scale starts to dip because you’ve already exceeded your goal by 20% to 60%! Celebrate your victory with a (non-edible) gift to boost the ego.
Reframing your weight loss goals in this way has incredible psychological rewards. You’re no longer mentally beating yourself up for not moving fast enough toward that forty-five-pound loss elephant, but instead feeling so good about yourself for reaching, or even exceeding, that five-pound goal that you feel like overflowing.
And make no mistake about it, feeling good about yourself is absolutely critical to weight loss. We who constantly fight the battle of the bulge are famous for our poor self-image and diminished self-esteem. We hate every roll of fat that peeks over our too-tight waistbands. We shudder as the mirror reflects flabby arms and saddlebag thighs. We tuck in our bellies until we can no longer breathe, roll onto our sides, and remain uncomfortably aware that the image we project bears little resemblance to the image in our minds.
We desperately need to increase our self-respect and sense of self-worth. We need to nurture our self-image and self-esteem. We need to enjoy some ongoing successes that can rebuild our battered egos and keep that constant guilt and self-reproach at bay.
Changing the syntax of your weight loss goals can lead not only to a more successful weight loss campaign, but it can also restore your self-confidence and heal the psychological damage caused by too many diet failures over too many years.