So how are you doing? Is everything going well for you? Is life living up to your expectations?
The way you answer those questions will depend, among other things, on your self-esteem; how you feel about yourself; your skill sets and self-confidence levels; in short, your self-esteem. If you feel like your self-esteem is low, keep reading because this article may be just what you are looking for and will definitely help you on the path to a more positive future.
What you think and feel about yourself affects every area of your life, and more importantly, it impacts your behavior and performance. If everything is going well for you, then happy days! If, on the other hand, life is not going as well as you would like, you may want to assess your current position in life and examine the conditioning elements that might be preventing you from achieving happiness, success, and the life you deserve.
Dr. Thomas A Harris was a practicing psychiatrist and author of the best-selling book, I’m fine – You’re fine, based on the theory of Transactional Analysis, developed by Dr. Eric Berne. In his book, Harris identified four life positions and suggested that most people live their lives in, I’m not okay – you’re okay position, leading to dysfunctional responses to others and to life circumstances.
I’m not going to bother you with an in-depth analysis of psychology, but I will introduce you to the four dominant life positions identified by Harris. This will help you focus and consider your own position in life; it will help you plan a path to greater happiness and success.
In his book, Harris identifies the ‘OK Corral’, in the form of a grid that identifies the four positions of life. I have set out the life positions below and identified the dominant characteristics and traits of each, which will allow you to make an assessment of your own situation. There is no right or wrong of each position; they are simply descriptive and reveal associated traits.
I’m not okay – you’re okay
Harris describes this as a submissive position associated with low self-esteem. People in this life position are often drawn to professions where they can surround themselves with other people who have more problems than they do. They are likely to display ‘people pleaser’ traits and are happy to receive recognition for this. Those in this position are likely to take the blame for the lack of success of others in their charge. They are likely to put the needs of others above their own and may be overly accommodating. Usually, they may not pay attention to their own personal development and avoid personal challenges.
I’m not okay – You’re not okay
This is a passive/aggressive position; recognizes the submissive element in the previous position and is associated with low self-esteem. Incorporates an air of negative judgment about others. Those who occupy this position in life are likely to feel a sense of hopelessness about life in general and may be hypocritical in front of those around them. It can be a problematic position for those in managerial or supervisory roles, as they often have negative views of coworkers and their abilities to develop themselves. They can usually use a negative tone when communicating with those who report to them. They may have the opinion that it is everyone else who has the problem and not them.
I’m fine – you’re not fine
Those who sit within this life position are often judgmental and aggressive towards others. They may also display traits similar to those of the first two life positions. They are likely to avoid taking on new responsibilities and may be directive in their approach to others, particularly those who report to them in a work situation. They are likely to form negative views of their supervisors and bosses and suffer from anxiety. They often lack confidence and may be prone to depressive states.
I’m fine – you’re fine
This is described as the ideal position to be in. People who occupy this position in life show high degrees of emotional intelligence. They are generally healthy assertive, confident, and comfortable in their own skin. They show high levels of self-awareness and have great respect for themselves and others. They are more likely to be non-judgmental and accept others for who they are. They display strong leadership traits and believe in the ability of others to succeed. It is an enlightened life position and the one most likely to lead to greater personal happiness.
recommendations
To reiterate, there is no right or wrong life position, but consulting the OK Corral can be helpful in assessing your own emotional circumstances and self-esteem levels. In reality, you may not fit into any life position and may display some or all of the traits in a life position contextually. That being said, you may find it easy to agree with the I’m fine – you’re fine Position seems to be the healthiest place to be and the one most likely to engender the most personal happiness.
Whats Next?
What happens next is entirely a matter of personal choice – only you can decide to make the changes necessary to take a more powerful life position. You may have the belief that change is not possible for you, but this is just a habitual wrong thought pattern. Change is always possible and it’s never too late: all it takes is a mental change, like upshifting when driving; when you know how to do it, it becomes easy. In the first instance, I would recommend getting a copy of Harris’s book, which will lead to a greater understanding of the principles discussed here.
For your success, the choice is yours…